It's been never-ending since it started. And I'm tired, I'm really tired to continue our war. I have sleepless nights everyday. What about you? Our problem doesn't really matter to you, does it? Or else how could you sleep so soundly, so calmly every night? Everything has changed, hasn't it? You were so contradicting. And I'm not gonna listen to your lies anymore. You've changed, to a person whom i can't trust anymore. I'm blind and i can't differentiate the truth from the lies. Or are them all lies? I would always imagine the past-our past. But does it really matter much? Cause that's the past and it cannot the our present, our future. You were only anxious when I'm not replying you. Should i just let go? Let go of us? Let go of the past? Let go of your lies? Let go of whatever you've done? Let go of our memories? Let go of the war? Let go of you? Sometimes i really wish i have never met such a person like you... Should i let the shadows of you fade, let the memories of you fad, let the picture of you fade???

I asked myself. Are you the person whom i actually know? A week is enough to change you from the original you to a unreasonable person. It is heart-breaking and disappointing to see you treat me this way. Or are you planning to treat me this way from the very beginning? It's not that i don't trust you. But can you be trusted? Words you're saying now are totally opposites of what you've said when you were overseas. Do you still expect me to have the trust in you when you lied to me? Was it a mistake for not agreeing to what you have requested through the message when you were overseas? Were your feelings real at the very beginning? Are you always so insensitive? Do you even understand what you're doing? Yes, you are ripping my heart into pieces, but i guess it doesn't really matter to you. Right now, what you've ever care is yourself, not me. What selfless love? That's a lie. I never know you would say those hurting words. You said i want to control your life... But look, who wants to control your life? Do i even have the right to do that? All i ever wanted was more of your accompany, is that too much to ask for? Every time you would make the same mistake after you've apologized. Don't you think you should do something about it? Sometimes i just want you to cheer me up, but you just don't understand what I'm looking for. You weren't like that before your trip. You've never said that i was controlling your life, you've never treated me like a trash and you've never not appreciated what I've done for you. Now it's all different. A surprise meant a lie to you. A desire for accompany meant that I'm controlling your life. Your 'didn't mean to hurt' has hurt me deeply. What is happening to you? You would blame me for the mistakes that I've made when you yourself have done the same mistake. How can a guy be so petty? You made me feel that I'm nothing to you, perhaps i ain't important in your eyes. Perhaps, I'm somebody you can 'use' and 'dump'. Perhaps your love doesn't exists. Perhaps you didn't meant what you've said. Perhaps you didn't know that your promises kills...




You are close yet far. It's disappointing knowing that you i aren't important in your eyes. Was the beginning a failure in the very first place? I waited and waited, for your calls and messages, but you never did bother to even contact me. Don't blame me. But you were the one who drifted us apart. A moment you wanted us to be together, but another moment you said it's up to me. What actually am i to you? A piece of trash? Or a piece of jewel? You made me feel like i'm the first one. Are you waiting for the time when i'm gone till you realise how to cherish, be sorry if you're over the limit.

Sometimes, i really don't know what i am to you. I know you mean it, but you just wouldn't want to say it. Is is because you're terrified? Embarrassed? Or you just don't mean it? It's hard to understand your mind. I tend to ask myself, is that the way you treat people? Or only me? You always anger me and you'll use those honey words to cheer me up. You'd always said that you know your mistakes but in fact, you don't. You said you're not a jerk but sometimes you behave like one. Should i believe you? Or should i not? My heart shatters whenever you say those nasty words...

My dear friend,
it's really hard to believe that you're gone. I stood with my mouth agape and my mind just went blank when i received a message saying that you have passed away. How can this happened, i thought. Your death made me realised that you are a very strong and brave person. I adore you for your determination to fight your illnesses and at the same time, taking 'o' levels when you are ill. I know you went through a very tough time, but i can never understand it, unless i experienced it myself. I really do hope that you have read the letter that was specially written for you. You are like a brother and teacher to me. I remembered the times when i feel so helpless in my studies, you're always the person whom i will call for help. You have made me realise that physics, chemistry and a math aren't that difficult actually and I'm really glad that you were always there to guide me along. I also remembered the times that we walked back from school to home together. Your accompany has kept loneliness away from me whenever I'm walking home. We talked about life, people and all the random things that have happened in our lives and these chats have opened up my mind and made me feel that I'm not alone actually. :D I remembered the times when i will approach you when i wanted to discuss questions with somebody. Do you still remember the time when the four of us (Shi Chin, Ee Hui, You and Me) played badminton together? It was really fun to play together with you. You know? I really wish that we could meet up and play badminton or even captain's ball again! :( But i guess i will never have the chance to do so. You are also a person who is very good at Chinese! All the chim chim phrases makes me want to faint. :)

I felt like crying when i am typing this. But i know that you're in heaven, you're with God, our dearest father and i believe that you're doing very well up there with God. Although you are no longer here by my side to teach me physics, chemistry, a math and about life but your soul and spirit will always be in my heart. All the grand memories and times that we've spent will never be forgotten. Rest in peace my dear friend.

Ailing.

It's been never-ending since it started. And I'm tired, I'm really tired to continue our war. I have sleepless nights everyday. What about you? Our problem doesn't really matter to you, does it? Or else how could you sleep so soundly, so calmly every night? Everything has changed, hasn't it? You were so contradicting. And I'm not gonna listen to your lies anymore. You've changed, to a person whom i can't trust anymore. I'm blind and i can't differentiate the truth from the lies. Or are them all lies? I would always imagine the past-our past. But does it really matter much? Cause that's the past and it cannot the our present, our future. You were only anxious when I'm not replying you. Should i just let go? Let go of us? Let go of the past? Let go of your lies? Let go of whatever you've done? Let go of our memories? Let go of the war? Let go of you? Sometimes i really wish i have never met such a person like you... Should i let the shadows of you fade, let the memories of you fad, let the picture of you fade???

I asked myself. Are you the person whom i actually know? A week is enough to change you from the original you to a unreasonable person. It is heart-breaking and disappointing to see you treat me this way. Or are you planning to treat me this way from the very beginning? It's not that i don't trust you. But can you be trusted? Words you're saying now are totally opposites of what you've said when you were overseas. Do you still expect me to have the trust in you when you lied to me? Was it a mistake for not agreeing to what you have requested through the message when you were overseas? Were your feelings real at the very beginning? Are you always so insensitive? Do you even understand what you're doing? Yes, you are ripping my heart into pieces, but i guess it doesn't really matter to you. Right now, what you've ever care is yourself, not me. What selfless love? That's a lie. I never know you would say those hurting words. You said i want to control your life... But look, who wants to control your life? Do i even have the right to do that? All i ever wanted was more of your accompany, is that too much to ask for? Every time you would make the same mistake after you've apologized. Don't you think you should do something about it? Sometimes i just want you to cheer me up, but you just don't understand what I'm looking for. You weren't like that before your trip. You've never said that i was controlling your life, you've never treated me like a trash and you've never not appreciated what I've done for you. Now it's all different. A surprise meant a lie to you. A desire for accompany meant that I'm controlling your life. Your 'didn't mean to hurt' has hurt me deeply. What is happening to you? You would blame me for the mistakes that I've made when you yourself have done the same mistake. How can a guy be so petty? You made me feel that I'm nothing to you, perhaps i ain't important in your eyes. Perhaps, I'm somebody you can 'use' and 'dump'. Perhaps your love doesn't exists. Perhaps you didn't meant what you've said. Perhaps you didn't know that your promises kills...




You are close yet far. It's disappointing knowing that you i aren't important in your eyes. Was the beginning a failure in the very first place? I waited and waited, for your calls and messages, but you never did bother to even contact me. Don't blame me. But you were the one who drifted us apart. A moment you wanted us to be together, but another moment you said it's up to me. What actually am i to you? A piece of trash? Or a piece of jewel? You made me feel like i'm the first one. Are you waiting for the time when i'm gone till you realise how to cherish, be sorry if you're over the limit.

Sometimes, i really don't know what i am to you. I know you mean it, but you just wouldn't want to say it. Is is because you're terrified? Embarrassed? Or you just don't mean it? It's hard to understand your mind. I tend to ask myself, is that the way you treat people? Or only me? You always anger me and you'll use those honey words to cheer me up. You'd always said that you know your mistakes but in fact, you don't. You said you're not a jerk but sometimes you behave like one. Should i believe you? Or should i not? My heart shatters whenever you say those nasty words...

My dear friend,
it's really hard to believe that you're gone. I stood with my mouth agape and my mind just went blank when i received a message saying that you have passed away. How can this happened, i thought. Your death made me realised that you are a very strong and brave person. I adore you for your determination to fight your illnesses and at the same time, taking 'o' levels when you are ill. I know you went through a very tough time, but i can never understand it, unless i experienced it myself. I really do hope that you have read the letter that was specially written for you. You are like a brother and teacher to me. I remembered the times when i feel so helpless in my studies, you're always the person whom i will call for help. You have made me realise that physics, chemistry and a math aren't that difficult actually and I'm really glad that you were always there to guide me along. I also remembered the times that we walked back from school to home together. Your accompany has kept loneliness away from me whenever I'm walking home. We talked about life, people and all the random things that have happened in our lives and these chats have opened up my mind and made me feel that I'm not alone actually. :D I remembered the times when i will approach you when i wanted to discuss questions with somebody. Do you still remember the time when the four of us (Shi Chin, Ee Hui, You and Me) played badminton together? It was really fun to play together with you. You know? I really wish that we could meet up and play badminton or even captain's ball again! :( But i guess i will never have the chance to do so. You are also a person who is very good at Chinese! All the chim chim phrases makes me want to faint. :)

I felt like crying when i am typing this. But i know that you're in heaven, you're with God, our dearest father and i believe that you're doing very well up there with God. Although you are no longer here by my side to teach me physics, chemistry, a math and about life but your soul and spirit will always be in my heart. All the grand memories and times that we've spent will never be forgotten. Rest in peace my dear friend.

Ailing.

ANNA QUACKEE