shredding empire <3

Now I finally know that friends that let you perish and die aren't friends that you want to be with.

2011-08-03T10:10:00.001+08:00

You'll always be the one.

2010-10-06T23:40:00.002+08:00

No matter how you'll grow to be, you'll always be the one. Situations are awkward, i can feel that. I've tried. And i'll never stop trying. Because i believe.

给我你的爱，让我背着你去未来。

I thought i was strong.

2010-08-07T01:07:00.002+08:00

I thought i was strong, but i was wrong, once again. I didn't expect to see you, though i had you scanning through my brain. But i rather not, to see you walking out of Dom's Piz. I thought i was much stronger than you, but apparently I'm not. That was the place that we had dinner together, the place where our love grew, the place , the place where you gave me your first. I would never want to step into that stall, never in my life unless you hold my hands and walk me in. Only you. Ultimately, i was never something to you. You like her don't you? She's always present when you are. You were there just now because she's there, weren't you? You said hi only when she's beside you, I'm only visible when she's there and transparent when she's not. Sometimes i really ask myself, do i really not matter to you anymore? Then what were we in the past? Are you gonna keep me hanging in the air like that? Or perhaps I'm hanging myself instead of you. Where did the promises went? When did your love fade? What were those false hopes on Sunday? Why did you ask those questions and gave me that kiss when you were unsure whether that's a mistake? Why are you so selfish? Why am i always quarrelling with you? Why am i hesitant to talk to you? Tell me why. Perhaps jealousy is eating into my soul.

Is this real?

2010-08-06T00:59:00.000+08:00

You like her, don't you?

WORK WORK WORK

2010-06-26T07:45:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna start loving work!

I've been trying and trying.

2010-06-17T02:31:00.002+08:00

Today's kinda fruitful doing work with Mavis though i played and joked alot. THAT TUB OF CREAM COST LESS THAN A DOLLAR. That's the quote for today. It just seems like i'm trying to escape. To escape from imgaes of you, to escape from memories of us. To escape from the presence of you. I've tried. And i've been trying...

Mugging hard

2010-06-15T01:06:00.000+08:00

Mugging hard.

Somewhere in the middle.

2010-05-25T01:51:00.004+08:00

You know sometimes i asked myself, why. Were our paths really laid by God? Or were we the ones who chose it? Was the nod i made a grieve mistake? You're good, too good for me. Why not just let go? Wouldn't it be better for both of us? You've made me doubt, doubt about you.

Let my heart flow, let my soul swift, let my mind swirl, let the time erase all these, the memories of you ----and me.

Speechless

2010-05-03T14:27:00.001+08:00

It's new. It's shocking. it's unexpected. It's speechless. I'm feeling empty. I'm feeling sad. I'm feeling jealous. I'm feeling-but why should i?

Feeling betrayed.

2010-05-01T13:38:00.002+08:00

It was planned out, isn't it? You guys are really assholes. I thought you were nice. I thought you were true. I thought you'd really love me. But you betrayed me. I'll never trust you again. What love, what true, what a heart you have.

ROT

2010-04-23T23:13:00.001+08:00

It seems like i should be rotting in the first place.

Bitterness truth.

2010-04-22T23:58:00.003+08:00

In the heat of the fight
I walked away,
Ignoring words that you were saying,
Tryna make me stay.
I said, "This time I've had enough."
And you've called a hundred times,
But I'm not pickin' up.
'Cause I'm so mad, I might tell you that it's over.
But if you look a little closer

I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

Me and my stupid pride
I'm sittin' here, alone.
I'm going through the photographs,
Staring at the phone.
I keep going back over
Things we both said
And I remember the slammin' door,
And all the things that I misread.
So baby you know everything
Tell me why you couldn't see
That when I left I wanted you to
Chase after me? Yeah

I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

And I scream out the window,
"I can't even look at you, I don't need you,"
But I do, I do, I do.
I say, "There's nothing you can say
To make this right again, I mean it,
I mean it"
What I mean is

I said, "Leave," but baby all I want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

With your face, and your beautiful eyes
And the conversation
With the little white lies.
And the faded picture
Of a beautiful night
You carried me from your car
up the stairs
And I broke down cryin'
Was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess,
I need you

I said, "Leave," but baby all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

Should the truth be told?

It haunts.

2010-04-22T23:24:00.003+08:00

I thought you were always there, but you aren't. I thought i couldn't forget about you, about us, about our past, but i can't. I thought time heals everything, but it doesn't. You're so close, but yet you're so not. I thought i could bury everything and get it out of my mind as the time passes by, but apparently, the nightmares are still haunting me from time to time. It does, it just did. To you, it maybe just be all over, but was never. Our past was like a fairytale, i did felt like a princess. You held me so high up, yet you crushed me down like nobody ever did. I bet you didn't know it hurts so much. You stabbed my heart, you tore my heart and you've shattered it.

My tears, are they worth it?

It's a zoom!

2010-03-13T22:27:00.002+08:00

Everything's like a bullet train nowadays. School's great, with so many friends around, but homework aren't exactly that 'nice'... It's piling up! Can you see that? :DDDIt's the first time that i can go shopping for a day since school started! Thanks to the superb MARCH HOLIDAYS! And i finally notice i need at leasr 6hrs of sleep! I felt so sleepy when i sleep less than that! OMG! It actually felt so good to do homework with my dearest friends. It's actually something bad, *because we were chionging BIOLOGY homework* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH :D And i really miss all of them. Especially EeHui, Lena, Kenlia, Rebekah, Heather, Crystal, Diana, Hui Qing, Weimei and Si Hui! All those crazy moments in school, the tears, the hardwork, the joy, the fun, the songs, the complains and most importantly, our friendship! I know, I can never go back there as a student, and study as a class with you guys. I have learnt so much more than before... That you are as not important as i think you were... I won't cling you as tight as in the past. I'll let you breathe, i'll let myself survive. We both are facing major exams, and i really hope you'll do well. I'll be there for you, whenever you need me to. We seemed distant, but we aren't.

The Cruel Truth Of Life

2009-12-31T01:48:00.001+08:00

To my special LAOGONG:
Work is totally chaotic, probably because of the stupid auntie around. Or rather not stupid, but bossy and arrogant. You know i have been working for less than a month yet she treats me like I have been working for a year and scolds me whenever i don't do things that she think is right. For example, i didn't know there was a schedule pasted at the dishwashing area to tell us that what needs to be soak overnight and they're gonna soak the ocha cups tonight. A week or two weeks ago, when the cups at the counter station weren't full, the auntie said something like 你去厨房不会拿 ocha cups 出来的 huh? *I'm like okay la, I go take* Then now when i have learnt to top up ocha cups when it's running out, the auntie said or rather, scolded me: 你不懂今天星期三 leh? 拿 ocha cups 出来做什么?! 等一下又要搬回去?! *I'm like WHAT THE HELL* Seriously la, later not enought cups during dinner time, she will NAG NAG NAG, SCOLD SCOLD SCOLD me saying that i don't know how to top up earlier meh. It's like everything's my fault. :( Laogong, I am sad. You come back Sakae Sushi and save me. 要英雄救美。Then you know something? After she scold me, then she herself go and take the cups to top up. ... STUPID. Hai, enough of that auntie, if not I can write a book about her, naming: THE 100 MOST UNREASONABLE THINGS AN AUNTIE CAN DO. :P

P.S: I hope to meet up with the other 5, including you. The we'll go and eat sakae sushi together, of course, it's not gonna be the Bugis Junction outlet. :) I have sent you the details le. We're gonna meet next friday, on the 8th Jan. :D

That lift was a mistake.

2009-12-23T01:03:00.003+08:00

Did God plan all of this? Or was it just purely coincidence? I've always thought i could forget all about you, all about us, all about our past but I guess I was lying to myself all along. The answer's out at the very moment you appeared in front of me, that is, i couldn't. It's been a year or rather, two years yet my wound hasn't healed, has it? You most probably knew i was there, right in front of you, but yet you pretended that I wasn't. You don't even feel any hurt, any sadness, do you? WHY?! WHY MUST YOU APPEAR RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?! Why can't you just disappear from my life? Your presence just make me feel worse. You've stabbed me once and isn't it enough? From the moment you've sent the mail, we are no longer friends, we no longer know each other and i no longer have talked to you. It's my fault, isn't it? I shouldn't have gone there. I shouldn't have notice your presence. I shouldn't have lifted up my head...

Wrong Way

2009-12-09T23:10:00.001+08:00

It's weird, nothing seems right, nothing seems to be true.

Hope of Hopeless

2009-12-04T15:45:00.000+08:00

My life seems to be hopeful, yet hopeless. My life seems to be full of colours, yet it is dull. People seems to be real, but they're like virtual images. What exactly is life? In my life, people doesn't really appreciate what I've done for them, do they? Sometimes i ask myself, do i actually need to put so much effort in making things perfect? Or rather making perfect things. But i guess that's just me, i can't change who i am, who wants to be born like a perfectionist anyway? I don't. Why are people only interested on what's on the surface and not what's under the surface of a human? Is what's on the surface really more important than what's under the surface?

To you whom I'm referring to, do you even have pride? I do even though you don't. Do you even have basic respect for me? I don't think you do. I told you. I dislike what you're doing right now, but why? Why do you always have to force me to do something that's against my will? Why do you always request those ridiculous stuff from me? What am i to you now? If you think i need to fulfill your wishes, I'm telling you i don't. What are you to me? You're nothing but just like any other stinky perverts out there roaming on the streets. Yeah. I am such a failure. I failed to teach you well. Everything right here right now are like hope of hopeless...

Imperfect

2009-12-04T15:12:00.000+08:00

Is a perfect life so difficult to achieve?

HOPELESS

2009-12-03T20:27:00.000+08:00

You're an IDIOT, seriously.
Your call takes like forever.
I shouldn't have waited for your stupid call,
i shouldn't have trusted that you'll call me.
I waited for you every single call,
but what do i get in the end?
DISAPPOINTMENT,
you idiot.
你们的办事效率差到不行！

A Distant Diamond Sky

2009-11-28T18:44:00.000+08:00

It's been never-ending since it started. And I'm tired, I'm really tired to continue our war. I have sleepless nights everyday. What about you? Our problem doesn't really matter to you, does it? Or else how could you sleep so soundly, so calmly every night? Everything has changed, hasn't it? You were so contradicting. And I'm not gonna listen to your lies anymore. You've changed, to a person whom i can't trust anymore. I'm blind and i can't differentiate the truth from the lies. Or are them all lies? I would always imagine the past-our past. But does it really matter much? Cause that's the past and it cannot the our present, our future. You were only anxious when I'm not replying you. Should i just let go? Let go of us? Let go of the past? Let go of your lies? Let go of whatever you've done? Let go of our memories? Let go of the war? Let go of you? Sometimes i really wish i have never met such a person like you... Should i let the shadows of you fade, let the memories of you fad, let the picture of you fade???

Promises That Kills.

2009-11-28T01:23:00.000+08:00

I asked myself. Are you the person whom i actually know? A week is enough to change you from the original you to a unreasonable person. It is heart-breaking and disappointing to see you treat me this way. Or are you planning to treat me this way from the very beginning? It's not that i don't trust you. But can you be trusted? Words you're saying now are totally opposites of what you've said when you were overseas. Do you still expect me to have the trust in you when you lied to me? Was it a mistake for not agreeing to what you have requested through the message when you were overseas? Were your feelings real at the very beginning? Are you always so insensitive? Do you even understand what you're doing? Yes, you are ripping my heart into pieces, but i guess it doesn't really matter to you. Right now, what you've ever care is yourself, not me. What selfless love? That's a lie. I never know you would say those hurting words. You said i want to control your life... But look, who wants to control your life? Do i even have the right to do that? All i ever wanted was more of your accompany, is that too much to ask for? Every time you would make the same mistake after you've apologized. Don't you think you should do something about it? Sometimes i just want you to cheer me up, but you just don't understand what I'm looking for. You weren't like that before your trip. You've never said that i was controlling your life, you've never treated me like a trash and you've never not appreciated what I've done for you. Now it's all different. A surprise meant a lie to you. A desire for accompany meant that I'm controlling your life. Your 'didn't mean to hurt' has hurt me deeply. What is happening to you? You would blame me for the mistakes that I've made when you yourself have done the same mistake. How can a guy be so petty? You made me feel that I'm nothing to you, perhaps i ain't important in your eyes. Perhaps, I'm somebody you can 'use' and 'dump'. Perhaps your love doesn't exists. Perhaps you didn't meant what you've said. Perhaps you didn't know that your promises kills...

Close Yet Far.

2009-11-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

You are close yet far. It's disappointing knowing that you i aren't important in your eyes. Was the beginning a failure in the very first place? I waited and waited, for your calls and messages, but you never did bother to even contact me. Don't blame me. But you were the one who drifted us apart. A moment you wanted us to be together, but another moment you said it's up to me. What actually am i to you? A piece of trash? Or a piece of jewel? You made me feel like i'm the first one. Are you waiting for the time when i'm gone till you realise how to cherish, be sorry if you're over the limit.

Provoked.

2009-11-21T23:32:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, i really don't know what i am to you. I know you mean it, but you just wouldn't want to say it. Is is because you're terrified? Embarrassed? Or you just don't mean it? It's hard to understand your mind. I tend to ask myself, is that the way you treat people? Or only me? You always anger me and you'll use those honey words to cheer me up. You'd always said that you know your mistakes but in fact, you don't. You said you're not a jerk but sometimes you behave like one. Should i believe you? Or should i not? My heart shatters whenever you say those nasty words...

Unbelievable Truth. It's cruel.

2009-11-19T22:50:00.000+08:00

My dear friend,
it's really hard to believe that you're gone. I stood with my mouth agape and my mind just went blank when i received a message saying that you have passed away. How can this happened, i thought. Your death made me realised that you are a very strong and brave person. I adore you for your determination to fight your illnesses and at the same time, taking 'o' levels when you are ill. I know you went through a very tough time, but i can never understand it, unless i experienced it myself. I really do hope that you have read the letter that was specially written for you. You are like a brother and teacher to me. I remembered the times when i feel so helpless in my studies, you're always the person whom i will call for help. You have made me realise that physics, chemistry and a math aren't that difficult actually and I'm really glad that you were always there to guide me along. I also remembered the times that we walked back from school to home together. Your accompany has kept loneliness away from me whenever I'm walking home. We talked about life, people and all the random things that have happened in our lives and these chats have opened up my mind and made me feel that I'm not alone actually. :D I remembered the times when i will approach you when i wanted to discuss questions with somebody. Do you still remember the time when the four of us (Shi Chin, Ee Hui, You and Me) played badminton together? It was really fun to play together with you. You know? I really wish that we could meet up and play badminton or even captain's ball again! :( But i guess i will never have the chance to do so. You are also a person who is very good at Chinese! All the chim chim phrases makes me want to faint. :)

I felt like crying when i am typing this. But i know that you're in heaven, you're with God, our dearest father and i believe that you're doing very well up there with God. Although you are no longer here by my side to teach me physics, chemistry, a math and about life but your soul and spirit will always be in my heart. All the grand memories and times that we've spent will never be forgotten. Rest in peace my dear friend.

Ailing.

SWIMMING!

2009-09-05T00:34:00.000+08:00

STUPID RASINS, STAY OUT OF MY COOKIE!
The clock's tickling! I'm counting the days left to 'o' levels. I'm finally awake, knowing that i do not have much time left.But at the same time, it's 10 more days to my BIRTHDAY! HOOORAY! :D I really look forward to all the wishes and the cake from mom and dad! I'M SWIMMING! OMG! *hits head* I haven't been in the pool for ages. I'm sure it's going to be so so so FUN! And yes, I want to thank you, suhui for inviting me to swim with you! :D And i want to thank my study group! XIANG KANG, JOASH and WESLEY! You guys have been great jokers as well as teachers. :D I had fun studying and i hope that i can continue to study with you guys again! Remember how i screamed when the ***** was approaching! HAHHAHAHAH! You all laughed at me lor! BAD BOYS BAD BOYS! I can't imagine that i can dance on stage! SERIOUSLY, it was my dream to perform on stage! AND YES, it came through! :D I hope all of you love the dance item by the sec 4 prefects (sean, foo xin, ee hui, eileen and ME):D Wish that we can perform again in the future!
A secret: Mrs Lee loves donuts! She can eat 6 at once!

AWESOME ROD!

2009-08-14T22:41:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU PREFECTS! <3>
TODAY WAS MY BEST DAY!
It's the BEST PREFECTS' ROD I've ever had!
THANK YOU PREFECTS! :')

I almost couldn't sleep yesterday, i was so excited about today's ROD. INDEED, I'm amazed and i felt delighted and relief that the Sec 2s and 3s have done their job well. Very good! *THUMBS UP* <3>

It's GREAT! I've never expected to have a NAIL POLISH PAINTING SESSION in class with EEHUI. Arguing going on continuously like "WEIIIIII, I help you piant. EEEYUR, i don't want! LET ME GET SOME FRESH AIR, Hen chou! OOOOIIII, bu ke yi! I want to piant your nails! ERRRR, HAI MEI YOU GAN. Aiya! DENG YI XIA!" :D And then, some of our friends started to join in: XINYING, SIHUI, SUHUI, JAMIE, DEWI, KENLIA! (Seems like alot of people like to paint their nails) :D Including me! OOOOPPPSIE! It's 3! *walk and runs home with EEHUI* .... It's very rush, for sure, with one hour to bathe, change, make-up, pack bag, rush down the stairs and meet EEHUI! Did you know? I'm so weak! With only 3 bags and heels, I can't even walk to school. I walked for 10 steps like a humty dumty before a taxi driver spotted me and hinted: 'Wanna take a ride?'. I of course cannot resist to temptation of sitting a taxi to school! The distance is like a 5 mins walk only! I swear, I'm not as strong as you guys think. Oh yes, I bumped onto the top of the taxi while getting out of it. *OUCH.* But this uncle is nice, he waited for me to pin up my tou fa although we were in the middle of the road! :D

THANK YOU UNCLE. TADA, here comes WANLING! (My LING sister!) :O
EEHUI (CUTE PRINCESS)
KENLIA (ADORABLE PRINCESS)
XINYING (HOT PRINCESS)
I hope i didn't spoil your faces. :D

Walking on the RED CARPET was definitely a memorable one, it makes me think of PREFECTS' INSTALLATION. The time that we wore blazers walking smartly into the hall with all the students there. :D I'm really going to miss it. AH. No confetti this year, but i guess it's good because we need not need to spend time cleaning up! :D I stood with my mouth agape when i saw the differently structured layout of the chairs and tables. Black chairs with shiny Golden ribbons attached to it, purple wrapped tables with cards, lollipops, flowers and candles. That's the theme: A drop of lavender. I'm sure i LOVE IT! <33333>

SEC 3s! Thank you so much for the videos. I know you guys have spent alot of time on the videos and i really appreciate it alot! <3333333>

PHOTO TAKING WAS GREAT! Jumps, formal ones, hang posts 4 and smiles are what is written on the photographs. :D I guess it's the first time in my life that i've taken so many photos within a few hours! And yes, champhange ceromony! :D i've never expected that I'm able to open a champhange bottle with FOO XIN, LIA LIA and EEHUI! :D But we did! :D THANK YOU! Indeed, joining the PB wasn't a wrong decision. :D Or rather, it was never a wrong decision made. So juniors, don't give up! :D You'll know what i'm talking about here when you've reached your destination...

A DROP OF LAVENDER.

HAPPY!

2009-08-06T22:36:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU LORD! I have found my path, the path leading to victory. All i have to do now is to keep up my momentum. I am going to do my very very best!

OUTING WITH AUDREY!

2009-07-25T21:23:00.001+08:00

25.07.09
I'm never gonna forget this date. Today's a great day i swear! I have never been out for weeks for shopping. And in this special day, Audrey, you're a great companion! And here is how this great day unfolds.I overslept! AHHHHHHHH D: But still, i managed to reach Plaza Sing at 11.32. And there is Audrey, waiting for me ouside action city *knocks my head*, i felt so guilty to have kept you waiting. D: We had LONG JOHN SILVERS, Yummy Golden Deal One and Audrey had fish fillet i guess. :D I felt really blessed to have BRANCH with Audrey! It's been a long long time that we have meals together so early of the day.

We ran round 3 places like MADCATS. HAHHAHAHAH! :DDD First to Plaza Sing, then to Bugis then Orchard. WOW. I'm sure i don't have a sense of direction. I almost got lost in Plaza Sing though I have been living here in Sg all along whereas on the other hand, Audrey, who lived in Shanghai for a few years has better direction than i. We went from shops to shops till we're at DAISO, Audrey bought wooden pegs! She surprised me by saying 'Do you know that i can make a chair out of wooden pegs?' Instantly, I stood with my mouth agape. :O And I have a sweet tooth so i bought some paper bags (For ROD) and candies.Audrey's so adorable! She bought this tiny vaccum cleaner! :D I would want to have one too but i didnt't buy *SHHHHHHH*, i didn't wanna spend $$$! :DD

We all feel so pressurised during the neoprint taking session! EVERYTHING HAS TIME LIMIT! From waiting for the machine to dropping coins in coin slot to choosing the type of photos to pose to choosing the size of the photos to decorating... I guess we had a minor heart attack then. But still, it didn't killed us but it almost did. And we're off to TAKASHIMAYA! My favourite shopping mall! Audrey ate Auntie Anne's Pretzel, i drooled. But still, i didn't buy it. I have been eating pretty heaty stuff lately and i cannot afford to fall sick! Exams are really near and every single day counts! As we strolled in Basement One, HAHAHAHHA! I can't believe it that Audrey likes the 'ALGEBRA ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT" pencilcase. Well, I like it too actually! :D It's nice and i think her friends will love it too! And this people shirt that she chose was cute! It goes "RARRRRRRRRRRR".

After much shopping, i guess our legs cannot take it anymore, it's at the verge of breaking! And so, we returned back home! Not to my house, but Audrey's house! :DDDD It's air-conditioned! WOAH! COOLINGGGGGGG! :D I went on packing her luggage! :D HAHAHAHAHAH! It's fun folding clothes and packing all of the stuff into the BIG BULKY LUGGAGE! :D I'm Lovin' It! And i swear, China doesn't have high quality pens! Because, Audrey bought a lot of pens! A LOT! You'll be dumbfounded!

After packing, I became a MATH TEACHER! LOL! It's amazing that i can teach her MATH. Although i have forgotten how to do binomial expansion! *Sorry* D: I really hope that Audrey can remember what i've taught her and the tricks of the claculator! *SHHHHHHHH* :X Ooopsie, i'm not suppose to say it out but still, hopefully her teacher doesn't find this post! :DDD DINNER TIME!!! :D I love the food! :D Thank you so much Audrey! And Audrey's mum! :D It's a special restaurant in the middle of Istana Park, named Giraffe. DELICIOUS FOOD. Mushroom Soup, Cherry Drink, Salmone Terso and Molten Lava Cake. I am overfed! But still, i feel HAPPY to be overfed! :DDDD Especially with delectable food! :DDDDD HEAVENLY. I LOVE YOU AUDREY! And thank you for introducing GIRAFFE to me. Love it, totally. I miss you so so so much! But nevertheless, all the best in Shanghai and do finish up your math!

GETTING USED TO IT.

2009-07-24T21:05:00.000+08:00

Thank you Jaime for your 'BANG BANG BANG' in school! I'm sure that have kept me alive in school! LOVE YOU JAIME! And EeHui! i'm here to tell you never ever give up! I'm always here to help you when you need it. I'm sure all of us INCLUDING you will pass O levels with flying colours. Although school ends at 4/5 or even 6pm, but i guess i'm getting used to it as the days passed. I really know what have to be done and how am i going to achieve my good grades! :DDDDD Thank you My Lord.

SLOWING DOWN

2009-07-12T02:06:00.000+08:00

WHO UNDERSTANDS? Every night, this feelings just grab hold of me till i lost consciousness.

LOST

2009-07-11T01:42:00.000+08:00

I never really feel belonged here. Everything here seems so unfamiliar. I am in the middle of nowhere in the forest. You think being the only child is a blessing? I guess not. The loneliness is unbearable. But who can understand? Living in this century, i rather not. How i wish i was never born. The suffering that i've caused, there's nothing i can do to make up for it. You've promised me to watch tv with me, but you've broke your promise . I'm tired.

SAD. D:

2009-07-02T23:38:00.000+08:00

Yes, stand up and stop crying.

LIAR.

2009-06-28T02:11:00.000+08:00

I wished i had never met you. Then things would not have been this way. All the sacrifies that i've made, all the time that i've spent... are really NOT worth it. If you think i'm doing well, i'm not. If you think it's not your fault, you're WRONG. How dare you, how dare you treat me this way and you can still live a good life. WHAT WRONG HAVE I DONE, you tell me. I really loathe the way you treat me. Indeed, i am MAD at you. All your STUPID promises, from the beginning i should have believed that they weren't REAL. To think that you will tutor me, study with me till the end of my o's, how naive i am. REALLY NAIVE. You are the most cruel person in the world. What a dumb i am to believe that you're a really truly nice person. What bullshit words on the wooden pencil. What bullshit letters. What bullshit messages. What empty promises. You're a BIG FAT LIAR that i don't want to see you ever again. If i do, i will act as if i don't know you. And you think it's my fault, NO WAY. You are the one who made my life miserable. Now you've succeeded, happy? You know who you are.

It all begins again.

2009-06-27T23:51:00.001+08:00

It all begins again.

INSPIRATION

2009-06-26T23:12:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's inspiration, Today's creation.

The Rainbows.
_Inspire_

The Pokadots.
_Inspire_

The Cubes.
_Inspire_

The Swirls.

_Inspire_

Pocessing art.
_Inspire_

The ultimate collection.
_Inspire_

NPGGSBPC 2

2009-06-26T22:31:00.000+08:00

Somehow the atmosphere's down today. :/ But nevertheless i had REAL FUN today! Especially during captains ball and singspiration. I feel belonged again, for the moment. I'm hungry! I hav'e had proper dinner. Perhaps i should eat nutella with a honey drink? :D Here are some photos of today! :

YUMMY YUMMY!

2009-06-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

I did 3 essays today! WOAH. I could have done more, but because i woke up late. Argh. :( And I'm really craving for ruffles (Sour cream and onion flavour)! I cannot have enough of it! And i wanna thank you heather! :D Thank you for helping me so much in my work! :DDDD And i believe mama's rich again, somehow. Maybe she striked lottery! :D These pictures will explain! And Ben, all the best for your exams! Will be keeping you in prayers.

YUMMY YUMMY! :D

COOKIE MONSTER READ!

2009-06-20T01:09:00.000+08:00

It's only for COOKIE MONSTER to read. If you're not one, please read the other posts. :D

I hesitated for a moment, but nevertheless, i walked into the bar with heavy pounding footsteps after a day of mundane, never-ending work. Ear-splitting and rhythmic music blasted through the black bulky speakers situated at the corners of the room. Glaring, colorful disco lights shone on the hazel brown dance floor and the room was choked with the heavy smell of tobacco.

I strewed my handbag on one of the black-cushioned chair in front of the bar table. I ordered a glass of tequila. At first, I took sip by sip, savoring every sip of the drink, but when problems caught my mind, I went on taking more than a sip each time, hoping that I could ‘blow’ the problems off my mind, like blowing off a speck of dust of the table until they diminished. By the time I was gulping the whole glass of tequila with one breath, a gentleman with broad muscular shoulders, a bulbous nose and a pair almond-shaped eyes stood by me.

He asked if he could sit beside me, I sat motionlessly for a few seconds, but later signaled to him to sit down with a sour grin on my face. I continued to ask for more glasses of tequila whenever I finished the last drop of the previous glass. He did the same too. We chatted as we drank. Without any notice, I started pouring out my problems to him like a pot of soup. He, of course, listened and we giggled with fingers pointing each other for no apparent reason, probably because we are a little drunk.

When I could feel the intense heat emitting from my body, I grabbed my handbag and staggered out of the bar, leaving the gentleman behind with a quizzical look. I stopped by a river. Suddenly, out of nowhere came an arm tugging on my waist. My heart stopped for a moment and I shrieked. I was taken aback and without a second’s consideration, I gave a hard push on the person by the chest. Out of my horror, it was the gentlemen at the bar a moment ago! He went tumbling down into the water with a ‘swoosh’.

To any astonishment, I sobered. My hands quivered and I broke into cold sweat. Images of the man falling into the river kept flashing continuously through my mind as I dashed to the river. There was no sign of struggling, only gentle ripples could be seen. To my utter disbelievement, I was traumatized and I dropped straight on my knees when my body went numb. I whimpered silently.

When a group of boys walked past me with their fingers pointing in my direction, I picked myself up and ran. I ran as fast as I could, hoping that no one would recognize me and my mouth began to mumble 'He killed himself, it was not my fault...' I began to slow down when I arrived at a road, a empty road with no cars around, no people around, not even a single soul. As i panted, i could feel the gentle night breeze caressed my cheeks. I thought i heard footsteps, so out of fear desperation, I ran into the nearby forest and hid. But I never expect that one careless slip would cause my life but it shattered the possibility of me being jailed.

COOKIE MONSTER, please comment okay? I'm yearning to hear your comment. :)

Today's inspiration, tomorrow's creation.

2009-06-19T02:26:00.000+08:00

I have been eating lots of chips, candies and coke. Ohmy, i sort of living a AMERICAN life. Watch me grow fat! How i wish that scholl will reopen soon! 10 essays to go! And i'll finish them by this week. And it'll be revision time all the way. Nonetheless, I wanna finish reading my novel. :) Thank you cookie monster for chatting with me all night long and teaching me chemistry! I love you much! <3

Today's inspiration, tomorrow's creation.

FLAG DAY!

2009-06-17T22:20:00.000+08:00

'Good morning sir/madam, would you like to make a donation?' :DDDD I think I've spoken that for 5 hours today! It really feels great when you hear people say 'You're welcome!' and when they look at you with the sunshine smile :DDDD! And for the very first time in my life: My tin is 3/4 full! I would really want to fill the whole tin, but time doesn't allow, sadly. :( Okay, I actually did more than just asking people to donate, but made a observation too!

Okay! From what I've observed Let's see how many kinds of people are there:

1. They would pass a coin to their children and guide them to the tin, take a sticker and walk away politely. (That's what my mama did when i was young!)
2. They plead for a coin from their parents to donate.
3. They walk up to you voluntarily to donate and walk away saying a 'You're welcome!'
4. They walk up to you, drop the coin and walk away silently.
5. They can't even be bothered to listen to you and so, they walk away treating you like a trasparent one. (OH MY, Do they even have a heart?)
6. They would shake their head, smile at you and said no. (How cruel, but not as bad as the previous one)
7. They would say that they don't have coins and walk away.
8. They would donate if i approach them, drop a coin and smile.
9. They would donate if i approach them, ask you what is this for and drop a coin.
10. They would donate to me and my friends voluntarily when they walk pass us.
11. They will hestitate whether to donate the $2 and they will decide to donate when you agree to give them 3 stickers.

SEE? They are all singaporeans, can you imagine? :DD

NPGGSBPC

2009-06-05T22:57:00.000+08:00

I really enjoyed today! Today was fun-filled and enriching. I never expected that i'll be the MILLIONARE and the only one with 3 children for the GAME OF LIFE. :D It's amazing! How i hope that's real! I never really regretted staying back to play captain's ball. Thank you crystal and heather for joining our team! :DD In fact, i was glad that i stayed back. We played captain's ball at first and took a break when the sun's scorching. We moved our playing area to a shaded place. HAHAHA. The game turns out to be volleyball and dodge ball. HEEEEE. And when you hear the music, it's time for SINGSPIRATION! Heather's the pianist and Crystal's the assistant! :D We sang, almost all the songs that we know, till our throats swell. How i hope everyday will be like this though. And here comes outdoor cooking, JunJie supplied us KIMCHI NOODLES! YUMMYYUMMY! I really love it! It's rather unbelievable that 3 packet of kimchi noodles can be shared among so many people! Although we aren't exactly full, but we are, when our dearest friends whipped us a simple meal with all their love. OH YES. Yumseng session! HAHAHAH. It was hilarious when we yumseng-ed with 1/4 filled cups. But nevertheless, thank you Heather and Shi Chin for supplying us THE KICKAPOO drink! We made a heart shaped patter but in the end, it turms out to be a smiley face. :O i hope that We'll HAVE this gathering agian! I love NPGGSBPC! :DDD

我看不到了镜头。

2009-05-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

每次听到这首歌，我的泪就会不知不觉的落下来。我就很像回到了从前，回到了当时，回到了当时的感觉。。。我就很象来到了世界的边缘，与现实，事实相隔。想想经过的这一些。的确，我成长了，但，我真的真的很想回到以前。未来是那么渺茫的，我的未来应该这么走，谁能来指导我？我很怀念当时的我们，但，又有谁能了解呢？如果能从新在来，我会选择这条路吗？我虽然看起来很正常，有亲爱的家人，有要好的朋友，但是，我的内心深处是多么的孤独，多么彷徨，又有谁能了解呢？人 — 还能被信任吗？我，在人的眼里到底算是什么？我现在好想独自坐在宁静的沙滩上，听一听海浪的声音，吹一吹海风，享受时间停慢脚步的那一刻。。。我累了，我真的累了。

我看不到了镜头，你看不到的镜头。

FEELING LOST

2009-04-30T20:12:00.000+08:00

Am i really a perfectionist? Why do people say i am one? :( Maybe i am. I know i'm fussy. I always get mad when things are not in place, they are dirty and dusty. Especially when things are unorganised. But i'm born with this kind of personality and i cannot change it. I hate it when things doens't go my way and i'm sure others do as well. It becomes a habit when i want everything to be in order. Is having such personality a curse? Or blessing?

NOW I FINALLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL

2009-04-12T19:40:00.000+08:00

Okay. PHEWWWW. Thank God that Balthus' and Li's 'outing' was quite a success. I was worried sick. I'm sorry that i didn't help out much and I've broken my promise. :( I am feeling lousy now. REAL LOUSY. I'm mad at myself. I can't even decide whether to drop or continue studying physics. I know i aren't good at physics. Definitely. But i do know that if i put in ALOT ALOT ALOT of effort, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do well. But the fact is that do i have that much time to pick up physics from the very beginning? :( Or should i just drop it? So that I'll be able to spend more time and concentrate on the other subjects? Formula is just not my type. I NEED A TEACHER, A TUITION TEACHER FOR PHYSICS! I'm in a dilemma, i feel so lost. It is going to be so so so different when i drop physics. It is going to be different, definitely. Will it affect my career in the future? If i do drop it, how would i even know whether i can reach my goal? If i do not drop it, how am i going to start studying? What am i going to do? Is there anybody to guide me? I'm at the verge of crying now...

Where were you when i needed you to be by my side so badly?

TODAY IS NOT MY DAY.

2009-04-07T23:33:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR ME. People in school are pissing me off, so are the people at home. :( NOW I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT YOU MEANT BY 'WE'RE DIFFERENT'.

UNSTABLE CONDITION.

2009-04-04T01:42:00.000+08:00

PHEW. Thank God that today's meet the parent session was kinda successful. :D Although its a long day but i managed to pull through it. :DD I'm sorry for forgetting what i've promised on thu (the conversation) D: Now i sense the taste of being forgotten as a friend. I'm sorry. It just slipped out of my mind. My mistake, again. But i'll try, to not forget, try to be a better friend. Although there's alot of homework that is yet to be done, but i'm COPING. Finally. :D I know this is random, but i do wanna thank these people: EeHui, Kenlia, Lena, BXXX (can't say), Ms Neow, Mrs Tan (Miss Leong) for being there beside me and show that they really care about me. :'D At the same time, i felt the taste of being ignored too. I'll just tell myself: They aren't worth it. Just let it go. My shadow may remain in their heart, but it may also be washed away by the evilness of one's heart. I do miss the times, but will we be able to be like the past? It's unlikely for some cases, cause it's difficult to trust, to clear up all the misunderstandings, but i don't believe its impossible.

LAKSAAAAA!

2009-04-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

It's LAKSA day yesterday! :D COOL! I would have eaten my forth bowl if i had the time. Next time i guess i should just order a $4 bowl of laksa! :D HAHAHAHA. With the special formula of 3 drops of chilli with the noodles soaked in spices+coconut milk, it becomes the YUMMY bowl of laksa! :DDD It seems like i'm gonna eat a few more bowls on FRIDAY! I'm looking forward to it. I'm sorry that i've broken my promise, again. But i will really try and sleep early everyday alright?

EMOTIONAL

2009-03-28T00:32:00.000+08:00

I'm sad. But who understands?

MIXED UP

2009-03-25T23:31:00.000+08:00

Thank GOD! Luckily i didn't get scolding for not doing chemistry and chinese. But i'm gonna do it like REAL SOON cause i know i will not be this lucky everytime. :D My heart is full of colours. It is. Now i finally understand what is it, and how hurtful it is, to think that you're always there, but you're not. Looking back at the times, i asked myself. Am i foolish to have wasted so much of my time and effort, in helping out what i thought was worth it? You've proven it.

STRUGGLES

2009-03-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

It is never easy, to go through life my way, the way i want it to be. But i hold on to this believe, i will finally see the light when i persevere through the journey in the dark forest.

SYNAPSE

2009-03-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

I won't forget that fun i had at SYNAPSE 09 (14 March 09). Nothing really makes me regret having to attend this camp! DARE TO ACHIEVE SOMETHING HIGHER (DASH) :D The world is so small! Once again, i'm in the same group as Eleanor (We were in the same group for STOMP camp 2 years ago!), lester and khoo knows Zongren..Hahaha, obviously because they studied in the same school and that LESTER has this elmo pouch! OMG! :D COLLIN's in PR! :D And i saw my korkor (JUSTIN!) My group leader was this cut little boy named NICHOLAS! :D He's really cute! and smart. :D My group members were okay, fun-loving and caring too! There's 2 joels in our team (Lee and Khoo). Not bad huh :P We were very chatty group of people (Dennis, Lee, Khoo, Priscilla, Sophin and ME) :D RARRRRR!

I think we're the only group who did so many rounds of introduction. There's at least 5 rounds! It goes "Fifi, Sec 3, Bartely.. Dennis, Sec 4, ACS barker..." And i haven't mention CHINKIONG! :D Hilarious guy. (Like YiDe) But he left halfway after lunch as he had some activities on in school. :(( We had this FLAG PAINTING SESSION! JAMAICAAAAAAAAA! :D That's my group name! Thanks to NICHOLAS for your brillant idea of searching the picture on the web through your phone! Or else our flag would have been a laughing stock if i painted it wrongly. :D The sense of happiness is there when I see people supporting me when i'm painting, and that's how i found my real soul. After this was a INSPIRATIONAL TALK by prof... Oops, i forgot his name. He's a SINGLISH speaker (with all his lor, hor, la...) :D Lunch was good food. :) There's CHICKEN WING, DRUMSTICK, CABBAGE, RICE and a DRINK that has this unique smell.

IT'S THE AMAZING RACE! We're called out 'SOMEBODY TOOK OUR ICE!' when we couldn't find ours. It's true, indeed somebody took our ice. We had to melt this ice to get our copper coin and green bean and we manage to do it, at least not the last group to set off! :D I think we actually made a din in the bus and the bus was filled with ORANGIES. :D We searched so a long long time before we found the correct destination outside the serangoon mrt exit. I cant exactly rmb all the places we went, so i shall say those which i rmb! :D Next up was Clarke quay! :) We managed to get some Caucasian to pronounce Chinese idioms. :D (they were chim ones, not easy neh) and the most HILARIOUS thing was that i turned into a clown with this hat with red hair, a piece of leopard skin and TWEETY BIRD home-slippers. Ohmytian! I went running around clarke quay like a CLOWN. :D At Justin Lau's station. AHEM, lee you're so heavy, we had a hard time lifting you up! :P Here comes JUROUNG EAST! This water bomb passing game (MOST FUN GAME I'VE EVER HAD, because i played it 2 years ago and my partner was ELEANOR!) HMMMMM. Next up! KARANJI (I almost fell asleep taking the train... its like so so so FAR!) And PRISCILLA's so HAPPY (Cause she don't have to run, SO KAWAII!) HAHAHA! :D Actually, our group was made up of BRAINES ! (i'm not one though.) They could solve the QUIZ on the MRT path in less than 5 MINUTES! :D WE MANAGED TO REACH KARANJI WAR-MEMORIAL WITH POSITION NO.4! YAY! :) Although we weren't first, but the sense of happiness that we've achieved shows that we're really contented. :D

It's always the same kind of feeling at the KWM. It's the kind of sad feeling where you can't do anything about it to relieve those pain that the HEROES have gone through during the war. Nobody will ever understand the kind of FEAR that they went through during the war time. :( For i will always remember, THEY FOUGHT FOR ALL FREE MEN. And there is no reason why anybody should end their lives when our HEROES fought for they survival.

Its MASSS DANCEEEEEE! :D I can't really catch up the dance steps but i do enjoy it. Here it goes " .... 1,2,3,4 DISCO DANCE... DRUM ROLL, LIGHTNING STRIKE.. TOURCHLIGHT, PICK UP LITTER THROW,STEP STEP SWAY SWAY STEP AND KICK.... Cant really remember the sequence and all the steps. :( We had this ball game when its our free time, it started off with Lee, One boy and me! And MORE AND MORE PEOPLE JOINED US! Its like over 10 people in the end. :DDD WOAH. HAHAHA. Thank you LEE for your floorball! :D Or else we wouldn't have the chance to play! :) I really hope i'll be able to attend synapse next year. :D

Here are some photos!

Here's Priscilla, Lee and ME!

The YOOes!

:D:D:D

This is my GROUP-JAMAICA! :D Where's Nicholas?

ME AND PRIS! :D

That's LEE! :D

BUDDIES! :D

My PATRICK BROTHER! :D

The damn cool softballer! :D

THE BEST SOFTBALL MATES!

They first group member whom i've talked to: FIFI! :D

THE CUTE GIRL FROM YW'S GROUP! :D

LONELY AS EVER

2009-03-17T11:27:00.000+08:00

I'm LONELY. :(

THE FOOTSTEPS OF NATURE

2009-03-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

BENNNNNNNNN (Balthus)! You are a very AWESOME friend. :D I'm ELATED knowing that i've got a friend that will always be there for me.

It's been a long time ever since i slowed down my footstep and take a look at the azure sky that was filled with calmness.

I'm calmed.

BREATHE IN BREATHE OUT

2009-03-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

I told myself: I know its difficult, but persevere on! BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT! :D God will guide me through the way!

Science Frontier

2009-03-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

SCIENCE FRONTIER 09

Science Frontier was GREAT! :D I just simply love it, i guess the rest love it too! :D I'm kinda disappointed when the organizers said that we're not registered. :O I was really arfaid that we couldn't get out 'ALBERT EINSTEIN' shirt and that we have to go back home. But thank God, everything went smoothing. We were splited into different groups but i'm kinda lucky to have Chuan Yee and Kevin in my group! :D and there's one more girl in our group-TITANIUM, she's Stephanie, from New Town Secondary i think. :D She's a sec 3 but i think we all couldn't tell. :D

My bag got dirtied while we're doing eggstronauht. Our egg cracked and the yoke just flowed into my bag. And now it stinks! Yeah.. But thank you to 2 seniors who've helped me with my bag, one brought me to the washroom to wash my bag and the other one (previously from SCGS) has helped me to dry my bag! :D Thank you so much! :D The latent fingerprinting was okay. I'm not really into it but it's sort of interesting. HMMM, i didn't get to do the eggstronaught cause i had to dry my bag. Wasted! :( Our egg cracked in the end. :( Well, but everything turn out right later, except for lunch. I got a pack of SPICY food! Same as Hui Qing, so we both didn't sort of finish the food.

My DNA extraction was sort of ruined when i added ethanol. HAHAHA! Yeah. But i like the person who taught us on this DNA extraction. She's like really COOL! :D And SMART! She has a twin sister too! HMMM. Guess what's afer DNA extraction? It's the dissection of Sheep's heart! :D HAHAHA! I like it though its so bloody and stuff. Its a rare opportunity cause we don't do it in school at all. :) Weeeee! Our sheep is a healthy one. With less fats, unlike other sheeps! :) YAY! We actually cut open the heart and tore almost all the connective tissue. :D RARRRRR! Lucky we had this experiment before lunch, or i think i'll PUKE! :D

We learnt about nanotechnology. But before that, we made a pet rocket! And ours is the most successful, our rocket flew the furtherst! That explain why we won. :D The space sand was amazing. It's a man-made sand. It's like still dry when we put it in a beaker of water. It forms sand 'lumps' inside! :D HMMM, i wonder where can we get space sand. What's after this experiment was the ferrofluid. :) It's a fluid which form 'spikes' when a magnet is present. I thaink we added Iron (III) chloride to Aqueous Ammonia and the finally we added in CHEMICAL 'X'. I've checked the net, this CHEMICAL 'X' is actually Iron (II) chloride. :) The spikes are really beautiful. :)

Science Frontier was a SUCCESS! :) I love ACJC! :D And most importantly, i found my goal. :D

WHACKERS OOI!

2009-02-21T16:16:00.000+08:00

Whackers! You guys rock to the core! I'm SERIOUS! TK seems unbeatable, but you guys did! GREAT JOB! I do hope tt my oreo did boost all of your energy a little! Waking up early for ou guys are worth it! :D Thanks daddy! For fetching me to the MRT! :D LOVE ALL OF YOU LOTS! :D

BRAIN-WASHED.

2009-02-15T23:48:00.000+08:00

You're right. I shouln't be changing. But i can't prove that i'm not changed. Things change, people change. Everything single second passed seemed to go into the history book. In fact, they do. I've been doing some kinda soul-searching these few days, thats why you may find me weird and stuff. That's also the reason why i haven't been posting since the last post that was long long ago. I've been leading a life that was uncertain. I don't know when's the next emotional attack's gonna bomb me, i don't know whether my friends are true.. Experiences do build my one's confidence, but BAD experiences KILL. People are vicious, i wouldn't know when will they show their true self. I'm afraid to ask , what's their real motive. Its really difficult to trust somebody when i've been led to hurt caused by them. People aren't as sensitive as me. They sometimes do stuff without serious thinking or further interpreting those words. But most of the time, i do trust, and i would really wanna trust. I believe that life is miserable when trust is never to be found in my dictionary.

Have i found my true self? I don't know. Perhaps! Thanks to Liu Zhi and Shu Ting. Although you guys think you did nothing that have helped me in finding my true-self. You did! You've have been scraping away my new self (in a good way)... pieces and pieces away without noticing. Okay.

Actually, i don't know why, but i started to become a more lazy person and my standard really plunge. If you ask around, I'm the kind of person who goes after perfect or else I'll be dissatisfied. Its true. But things got worse. Even SMOKING seems alright, or even, perfectly fine! I'm a bio student, i know clearly what's HARMFUL about smoking, but it didn't seem to bother me much. I mixed with smokers, i chat with them, i hang out with them. You know, it's like a WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

My senses were built back by people around me, especially my teachers. Thanks to the amount of work they gave me which kept me busy and off my mind about the BAD stuff. I know what's my goal now. I know what am i gonna pursue. I know what to do. But who can remove the hate of loneliness and sadness in my scar-ed heart?

ANGRY!

2009-01-29T20:03:00.000+08:00

@&)*^&%#^@%^%@

HI DIARY?

2009-01-27T23:53:00.000+08:00

Hi diary, how have you been? Haha. This post is like nothing much really, just some thoughts of mine that i can't bottle them up. I've been like really weird nowadays. I can't figure it out myself what's the reason behind it, but it seems like there's really another micro-devil inside the littledevil. I felt really laid back in doing work and stuff, my heart doesn't seem to coordinate well with my mind? Where has my passion for eveything gone to?! I'm beginning to turn to be like others. I'm beginning to be okay with everything. Okay to draw and submit imperfect work. Okay to go out and mix with smokers. Okay to not complete my work on time. Okay to stay up late. Okay to not study. :( I'm a BADDIE now! Am i? Or am i not? Or should i be the AILING who is a perfectionist, to be a good girl, to excel in almost everything? I'm struggling. I don't wanna be a friend who my friends feel real dissppointed with. I don't wanna lose anymore things in my life...

Well, my eyes are 'growing' bigger somehow. I'm beginning to see what are the true colours of people. People whom i thought are good friends aren't really that good anymore. They come close to you because you can benefit them and dumped you when you don't do things their way. They think that they're somehow having more right than you do, but they aren't. I'm not that brave to confront those people but i know others will. Beware of these people, i tell myself. They can be really close and good to you when they need your help today, but they shoot you with hurtful and ill-mannered words when you don't do things their way. They think they are 'big', but they aren't! Those people are really (stupid.) I'm not that great to be your friend, so don't ever look upon me when you need help. To think that i will help you? I won't.

Sometimes, people do things real differently thinking that it'll benefit you. But instead, they aren't! They don't go through serious thinking before they convey what the want to say to you. It causes ill feelings to sensitive people. :( I know you meant well, but think the other way. Think about the other possibilities that people may not understand what you meant for them. I don't wanna be mad at you or sth. But do consider my words.

Lastly, 2 movies i would like to share! :D HMMM, 1st one: Wendy Wu-The Homecoming Warrior and Bruce Almighty! :D Haha. And other shows like Rihanna-Live, Retro:Mind Your Language and Curious George! :D

2009-01-16T20:47:00.000+08:00

WE WON anglican high! :D YAY! And see this!

2009-01-10T15:15:00.000+08:00

Was too tired to post yesterday! My bones are so fragile and they're falling apart. But thanks to TOBIE, EE HUI and DADDY for helping me carry my bag! :D I'm sorry had to bully you guys. HMMM, we went to nanyang poly! :D Its very spacious and HUGE! We almost got lost there. You may be wondering, whose the 'we'? They are EE HUI, RACHEL, WAN XIN, SEAN, DEWI, TOBIE and ME of course. Or else i wouldn't be posting at all! We were brought into the world of GAME-MAKING (tt's tobie's course), then to biochemical sciences, then to animation making, 3D movie cinema- Its like a world of bio! We were brought into the cell!, There goes our reaction after watching: "I guess we know bio better now!" So see? It works in the bio teaching process! It allows students to understand the cell structure better. HMMM! We (Sean, EeHui and Me) had the cheapest meal there. It cost like less than 2 bucks cause BIE helped us took some magical coupons. LOL. See the following photos!

MR BAGGIE!

MR CHILDISH!

NORTH CANTEEN!

SOFTBALL'S GREAT!

2009-01-08T20:45:00.000+08:00

Had a match against dunman high today at TKGS! Its like kinda fun. All of us are equally blur somehow. Its a score of 26-6. We WON! Cheong min, thanks for your burger, although i only took a bite. YUMMY YUMMY! And evelyn, thanks for your fried BANANA! :D YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY! Tmr's headstart test for some of us. Wish me good luck! :D

DEMI!

2008-12-28T02:06:00.000+08:00

HELLO. I here to share with you DEMI LOVATO's new song: LA LA LAND! (Album: Don't Forget)

OBSESSED!

2008-12-27T01:21:00.001+08:00

:D I'm obsessed! LOL. But its true! :D Obsessed with this :

:D Thanks EEHUI! :D For lending me your chemistry paper to photocopy. A BIG THANK YOU to shu ting too! Thank you for accompanying me for my prata lunch, thank you for treating me KICKAPOO (correct spelling?), thank you for waiting me in fairprice for quite a while, thank you for buying the ingredients for OUR SPAGHETTI MAKING, thank you for buying my wafers in advance for me, thank you for your kind and warm HOSTING! I feel as if its my 2nd home!:D Oh and introducing the game- COOKING ACADEMY! :D COOK COOK COOK, I'm a COOK! :D LOL.

Although i'm supposed to do work today, but our cooking lesson was worthwhile the time for homework. :D HAHA. I'm broke today. Buying that pile of books and a cashcard EMPTIED my purse. :( It feels really weird without $$$.

Mama's company had this ADORABLE christmas cake- ITS SANTA'S HOUSE! :D See?

CAROLING!

2008-12-24T00:38:00.000+08:00

Caroling was really great! I wasn't really into the objective of caroling. But indeed, i enjoyed the practice and the celebration at night. I felt really belonged. I felt that im not abandoned. I don't feel lonely at all. All of them are friendly! :D Its really unforgettable!

I'm feeling orange!

TRIPLE HAPPINESS! :D

2008-12-17T11:48:00.000+08:00

Hi people, i told you the new post will be coming up right? Its here! Hahaha! Its softball ROD that started on Monday and ended on tuesday! I'm a MUDDLEHEAD! Instead of taking to Paya Lebar, I took train to Kallang. Sorry to Cheong Min and Yan Fang for making you guys wait. :( We went to Ain's house, ts beautifullll! :D Shopping spree for food at Fairprice-Sing post. Kinda sad cause we couldn't really get all the stuff that we wanted. They're like out of stock. Yan Fang ate KFC while CheongMin and me went to find the grill and tongs for BBQ. Found and bought 1 tong at Shop and save, it cost like $2.75, like more expensive than Sheng Siong lor, what shop and SAVE is it? Should be shop and WASTE. Furthermore, the tongs are like MIC! Sheng Siong like so so cheap! 1 tong= $1.20 and we found the grill! :D Its like CHEAP CHEAP_$3.20 each! Yuwen digging chocolate! :D

Our juniors arrived at AIN's house around 1.30. They waited outside, i don't know why. Ask them? We carried all the BBQ stuff there and its like so so so HEAVY, can weigh like 1 baby elephant. CAB CAB, here we come! Cab cost $6.40 for me and cheryl :D Preparing the food was kinda fun... and here comes Tobie and Zul! :D YAY! I'm so happy, they bought me lunch! And its free some more. :D THANKS! :D CokeeeBigggie! I can't finish! :D OHHH, and thanks for helping us start the fire. :D Pillow fight was GREAT! :D 'Your career is very good!'-Remember who said that?

BBQing food was fun!! :D But some like CHAOTA cause never flip in time. Its not me bbqing okay? :D I roasted marshmallow for our seniors! :D YAY! They love it. :D MUAHAHA! I KAPO some too... SHHHH... HMMM, why coach don't take marshmallow? I thought i'm gonna miss THE LITTLE NOYNA but lucky there's TV! Some of us watched, including Mr Lim (not YH). He cried, i can't imagine lor. :D HEEHEE. We HAHAHA-ED when thay flimed the DA SHA '0.0' <>

DA SHA?

Night cycling was the most unforgettable part! :D A word of thanks to Wendy for riding me there with your bike. :D Your riding skills are 一溜 lor, not like mine. Left-Right-Left-Right de, may BANG into people too. I'm like '喂...等我! All the time' The breeze was SUPER COOLING! Wanted to watch sunrise but 那里知道老天不作美景，要下雨了. Then we all ( YanFang, Cindy, Wendy, Mandie, LiDan, ME) like rush back.. It rained (i guess) after we reached the chalet. Sleeping time! No space for me and Cindy when we go upstairs lor. ALL PACKED. Then we tried to squeeze in and we succeeded. :D I got 'kicked' halfway through my sleep. :( Thank you- AIN, for letting me sleep your place. :D I slpet at 4 and woke up at 8, felt so lethargic.

Coachie! Thanks for buying us breakfast! Soybean milk, 豆花 and 油条! YUMMY YUMMY BREAKFAST! A group of 'FOOLS' waited for bus which weren't coming :D Ain mama bought us somewhere through the insects street to take bus!! YAY! Mama RAWKS! LiDan took No. 43, Ain, YanFang and i took No. 135... Mandie and Wendy-Eh?? Aww, we parted ways.. :(

On the way back on bus no. 155, i saw Shuting! :D Called her and we studied together with XiaoMei. :D Though was damn tired but did manage to do homework! :D Yipee! Yawnnn. I'm gonna go do my IDIOTIC homework now. :D Byes! LET your eyes take a break too!

HAPPY HAPPY! :D

2008-12-15T08:47:00.000+08:00

Hello peeps and bloggie! How are you guys doing? Sorry that i didn't post these few days. Didn't feel like posting. Okay. This time round i'm HAPPY HAPPY! :D 1 incident and 2 event past and i feel that i should post! :D I'm like so forgetful lor- forgot to bring my keys this time round. So i went to my mama's company to kankan. :D Her company's like so nice! :D Gotta bar at the 4th story. HAHA. BIG BIG COMFY SOFA! Some of her colleague are pretty friendly. :D

Carolin training! Its so fun although we have to spend hours practicing the song. :D Got to know quite alot of people. :D Like Jia en, Hwee ying, Nicky.... :D We had a small party afterwards, so cool. PARTY with snacks and bee hoon for dinner. :D There's also a tiny supermarket near the church. Its called_ greenbegger supermarket. So CUTE right? :D

Cousin's wedding's coming soon! She treated us lunch that time when we went to the ROM to grace her registration! :D I love the buffet lor. Gotta like so much things to fill my stomach. HAHA. My relatives got like really stunned when i took plates after plates. :D I ate braised mussel in cheese, japanese sushi, smoked salmon, oreo cake, chocolate cake, fruit cake, ice cream (chocolate, green tea, peppermint chocolate), jelly, mango pudding+ fillings, chocolate marshmallow, Ebi furai (Japanese fried prawn), red wine, test-tube cocktail... Cannot remember le. :D I still wanna eat some more de, just that time is up. Should have treated dinner as well. HAHAHA, i'm such a greedy girl. :D Next post will be up soon. :D

Messed Up Life.

2008-12-11T00:04:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time ever since i posted the last entry. Just didn't feel like posting for that moment. Your presence today made me feel warm. I felt that i wasn't alone. Thanks for having lunch with me. *Curry noodles! And the present! :D Its my MOST favourite present and birthday card (belated). I will remember today. Although the card wasn't very nicely drawn and decorated, but your style of making it was greatly appreciated by me. I'm sure gonna miss you. But we'll keep in contact i hope. (10 Dec 2008)

Was kinda lazy this few days. HOMEWORK HOMEWORK HOMEWORK. I'm kinda sick doing it. Not exactly don't like. But i didn't have the urge to do it. I left ALOT! Like seriously ALOT! One whole chunk. As the old saying goes~time flies. They don't exactly fly.. They ticked pass us! Thoughts have been flooding my head heavily. Emotions. Memories. Relations. Almost everything. Can't imagine this is true.. But now i finally get to know how tough it is to be a mom. Like Mummy. Work never gets to stop, like time never waits for people. Earning money for me is always the number one goal. I know its stressful. I'm helping.. Helping to the utmost i can. You'd never gave up. So i won't too.. I will foresee my future. And my FUTURE lies on my hand. Its never gonna ruin. At least i'm not gonna ruin it.

HATE, ITS ALL IN MY MIND.

2008-11-30T23:21:00.000+08:00

I hate you.. I've helped you so much and treated you as a good friend. I never thought you could forget all of these just after your new friends came. You treated me like nothing so don't ever ask help from me anymore.. I WON'T BE TRICKED AGAIN! :( You're just that kinda evil cat who make use of people... So stay away from me!

WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

2008-11-24T20:18:00.000+08:00

Its sad. Its sad to know that you're gone. I blame myself for it. Never really having to cherish you well was the greatest regret in my life. It was only after we are about to break up, or rather we're over, then i know that you are precious. As precious are the core of my heart. I cherished the times. The times that we've spent together.. be it anywhere and anytime. The way you cared for me, the way you showered your love upon me. Thank you for being such an understanding person.. Though you said yoiu're not. But you are. I love the way we hug, we kiss. Its warm. That's how my heart was melted by you. You're the one who had shone my dark life, you're the one that coloured my dull life, you're the one who melted my heart and making me feel belonged. This breakup was too sudden, although i feel that it was coming before it had happened. I'm worried... Worried that this will happen, hoping that it won't come true. But it still did. I feel weak. Weak without your energy. Weak without your presence. Weak knowing that you're gone. Although you said that you'll be there for me, but i know its not enough. Its never enough. I need you. I need your soul, your heart, your presence. I need you... I know its difficult to stand on my own feet without having to rely on you. But i'll try, as what i had promised. You're the one i love in the whole of my life. And nothing's gonna change that. I won't allow anybody to change that too. Thanks for saying that i understand your good intention, i actually do. But i'd never wanna take that in. Right now, and in the future, i only want to keep mermories of the past till ytd. I'm gonna keep nothing about today. I know i'm lying, lying to myself, thinking tt you're still my bf. But if i am still given a chance to get together with you, i'll go about doing it without a second thought... I will never let you go.

Heartbroken :(

2008-11-23T21:57:00.000+08:00

Its you. You're the one who made my life shine better than it had before.. What's happening? Why are you keeping me in suspense? I really don't wanna lose you. You're the only one... the one i cherish the most. I love you. I'm feeling lost without you around. Don't ignore me.

MOODY

2008-11-21T14:06:00.000+08:00

I slept and i slept... Never wanting to see the world.

PROM NIGHT!

2008-11-18T22:52:00.000+08:00

Woah! Sorry that i'm late again... Its been like a habit that i've been slacking very very much recently. I'm just willing to start on my work. Prom night was really great i have to say! Although its been really tiring for us to plan this event. *We actually spent like 5 months to plan for a one day event. But its all worth it! For the sake of our beloved seniors that left us with such beautiful memories throughout the years in GM. Being an emcee weren't easy for me, i had to re-edit the script that was created and used by my buddy-joan 3 years ago! :D Having to take photos with my seniors was the sweetest thing among all. A word of thanks to all of them! :D Aiishiteru! I actually stumbled when the CD for the 2nd game- Don't Forget The Lyrics wasn't working. But by luck, everything went alright! :D I'm sorry EeHui, Xiao Mei and Wee Keng for dirtying you guys' fingers and dress due to the unintentional spillage of blue ink. :( OMG. I'm actually kinda surprised that Carmen could look so gorgeous after some kinda transformation! :) Keep it this way man! This year's Prom King and Queen are AUDI and CARMEN! :D Yay! :D Oh wait, 2 more things! I wanna specially thank EEHUI for helping me out in the putting up of decoration! Thanks for the soothing music and your patience! You look great in your pink dress too! I wanna thank eileen too! Thank you for helping us play the songs for the 2nd game.. It was a last minute thing i have to admit, i'm sorry too. :( Lastly, i wanna thank Mrs Lian and Mr Lian for providing us the transport home and keeping us (Ailing & XiaoMei) entertained by those chit-chatting! :D Great teachers! :D

BBQ DAY!

2008-11-13T14:12:00.000+08:00

People!!!!! Hello. :D I'm sorry... I was supposed to post this 2 days ago.. But i was too tired. :( I slept at 5am the day that day as i had to rush out the emcee script for prom night. I went for softball though i felt lethargic. On the BBQ night, its great! It had been a long time ever since prefects gathered. :) Shuting, huiqing, xiaomei, xinying, eileen, suphaphat, ishpal and i played the most 'handsome' sport- VOLLEYBAL!! :D yay! The sand is cooling and damp as it'd just rained slightly before the outing starts. We took alot of photos! Climbing on a sort of seawall seemed easy for other people, but not for me... Probably because i'm afraid i'll FALL. HAHAHA> :D Its also my 1st time BBQing food as i've never done it before! A word of thanks to Sean, Huiqing, Shuting, Iashpal, Suphaphat, SiewLeng, Eileen, Liying, EeHui and XiaoMei for cooking such delicious food! :D I really love it. Sorry if i didn't include your names. :( Oh, Mrs Lim OL and Mrs Loh KW came to join us too! :D It great to have them here! :D Alrights. See Ya! :D

MONEY-MINDED

2008-11-09T21:57:00.000+08:00

Ohmytian, i'm just so money-minded nowadays. Be it in real life or in Kingdom of Loathing. I just keep thinking of making money out of selling stuffs. HAHAHA. :D today was great although i slacked alot somehow... Will update soon. :D byessss.

FUCK THE DAY

2008-11-06T18:56:00.000+08:00

I didn't really feel like blogging today. But i still did. Its been quite a short day actually. English lesson wasn't tt boring afterall. :D During maths lesson, it was hilarious... Miss Ng made us 'chant' the trigo laws again. HAHAHA. There's chocolate 'fight' in our class too. :D Some of my classmates were actually begging Miss Ng for chocolates. Hahaha. :D Poor thing.. i mean Miss Ng. Softball was great today. Although its tiring, cause COACH actually told us to be more serious during training. Like as in "Don't sit there and talk!" LOL. :D I hope AIN's okay. She's injured on mon and hurted her knee. :( Take care AIN! :) My brain's tumbling down... I need to go fix it now, or else i'll be brainless forever. Byes.

DAY @ MELAKA

2008-11-01T01:18:00.000+08:00

Its great to be here- in MALAYSIA! Just kinda reach here at around 10 plus at night. :D I haven't visited here for quite awhile since last year. :) On my way here... a sudden feeling just stroke me! I'm so blessed to be a Singaporean, having to stay in SG. Mrs Lim was right! Singapore is a much more developed as compared to countries such as Malaysia. Its kinda terrifying to travel on the roads without lights here. :D But nevertheless, i saw stars! They're twinkling in the dark blue sky, its beautiful! Stars here are countless. :D How i wish i could build a castle up there in the sky, so that i'm much closer to them! :D I look forward to tmr's dinner, its gonna a day filled with exiting events again! :) Oh, i was really being a baddie in school- i called eehui momo, just because of a priceless sticker, then she claimed tt shes ah boy. :) HAHAHA :D Alrighty, i'm tired. Will update soon. :) Nights momo- eehui & bloggy. :D

FEELING STRESSFUL

2008-10-31T01:09:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time ever since i posted my last entry... Was kinda slacking much nowadays. I dunno why. Maybe some hormones are slacking in my body too! :D Tt's why i felt larthagic. I had the time to do work, not tt i didn't, but it just seems tt i'm too obsessed in games, especially KOL- Kingdom of Loathing. Kinda weird, but fun! :D I'm making hell lots of meat (money) by buying and selling stuff like 'A bottle of rihnocerous hormones'. :D LOL. Okay,back to what i was saying. I had work to do. PREFECTS HANDBOOK, PROM NIGHT, INSTALLATION. Its killing me! :( Its just somehow tt i chose the easier path- tt is to escape. :( I'm just too tired. Oh, i've got somehow scolded by my parents for overshotting my bill. :( HAHAHA! If you don't know, i've been overshooting for months ever since i got my phone, just tt this month shot 100. :D Remedial lessons are BORING AND LONG!!!!!! I just can't stand it... i often feel sleepy in class. Did slept a little during BIO lessons. :) Mr Kee's cool! He 宠坏 us. Giving us break time during lessons, but nevertheless, this refreshes us too! Thanks Mr Kee. :D Yawnssssssss! :D I'm SLEEPY again... See the time? 1.28am Byeeeeeeeeeeees! :D

:(

2008-10-20T19:00:00.000+08:00

My dream shattered. Just like a piece of mirror.

SHOULDN'T HAVE READ IT

2008-10-17T14:02:00.001+08:00

I never should have read it.. or maybe i was wrong.. to have such a person as my friend. But i don't think i am...

GREAT DAY! :D

2008-10-15T20:55:00.000+08:00

I suppose to post this ytd. But nvm! :) I was kinda surprised by my results this year although there's still room for improvements. :D My English improved the most! :) Ohmytian, i jumped like 3 grades! Haha xD OH WELLS. Now's the baddie news.. i failed physics, terribly... though many of us didn't pass, but i shouldn't even be failing in the first place. Congratulations to those who'd passed! :D Today's post exam activities was GREAT! We had archery in the morning! Although the sun's scorching us till we're like red hot chilies and the bow's like a GIANT BOW. Its HUGEEE! :) Very enjoyable activity, though i didn't hit the bull's eye often enough. :D Einstein came to our school, UNBELIVABLE RIGHT? Not Albert Einstein... :) But its true nevertheless. the elephant he drew was ADORABLE. Too bad he didn't stay for long, or else we would have witness more of those real drawings done by him. :) And time flew when he's there. :( Hope that our school will invite him sometime later...

My DAY!

2008-10-08T19:13:00.000+08:00

Woah, finally exams are over. Phew... :D Guess what? i went out with shuting today again! :D Haha, but before that, lets talk abt exams. Bio paper 1 was not difficult, neither was it very easy. I had a rather hard time doing the paper.. Cause I'm struggling betwwen the tys's answer and my own ans, i can't decide which one to write, so it was a 5050. Lol.. But true. :) When we were on our way to shop, somebody banggggggged into us. ><>

如果能从新再来，世界会有多美好。。。

2008-10-04T14:36:00.000+08:00

如果能从新再来，世界会有多美好。。。可能是幻觉，可能是将来，我无知。近来平平做了恶梦，是上天在暗示我吗？还是我即将棉铃恶梦的侵袭？我很彷徨。面对了无数的挫折，我还能再次从新面对吗？我能承受如此的打击吗？上天，您能告诉我吗？我能回到从前吗？如果能从新再来，我不要过着非凡、奢侈的生活，只要我能回到以前，就够了。我人身中最大的遗憾，就是没有珍惜我身旁的朋友们。。。真是身在福中不知福，失去了知道可贵。我知错了，还能回头吗？

WHAT A DREAM!

2008-09-30T22:01:00.000+08:00

My mum saved me today! -by waking me up from the most bloodcurdling dream i've ever had. THAT IS, i'm pregnant! oh my. And that baby belongs to 'IN' (somebody). HAHA. What a inconceivable dream. In the dream, i was emotional. There's a lot of scenes when you can see that i'm sobbing uncontrollably, like as in i'm a 'AUTOMATIC TEAR MACHINE'. I had a boyfriend in that dream.. He was mad at both of us, especially me. Although he didn't show, but i felt it.What i can remember was that he was in the most pathetic state in his entire life, having to know that his gilrfriend is pregnant. Moreover, the baby in her womb doesn't belong to him! 'IN' told me to go for an abortion, my heart sunk even deeper....

Okay, back to real life. School's great today, cause i slacked alot! Time seemed to have past like a flying rocket :D Although i've been traumatize by that dream from time to time when it just seemed to flash in my mind frequently :(

I SCREWED MY MY PAPER

2008-09-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

LOL. :D i screwed up my geog and a maths paper. FOR GEOG: everybody was given a map, nobody seemed to have flip open the map i notice, so did i. WHAT THE, i just got to know about it when MR-chee heng told me abt it. >< > for the first page (cause i did my tys the day before_it just seemed like 'somebody' told me i had to do it_in my heart) okay, ask GOD!! :D i don't know either. DAMN IT, i'm still as weak as ever for my plane geometry- 7 marks just flew away like this. But not exactly, i tried, but i failed to complete it. i scribbled, just hoping that i could get some marks out of it. :) TODAY'S GREAT- except for the exams. i got to meet somebody which supposedly i shouldn't... and lastly, before i sleep with my EEYORE, ........i saw sihui in the afternoon! oh wait, i didn't see her, she SAW me first! i'm so sorry sihui! :( Forgive me alright?

A NEW BLOG :D

2008-09-27T23:42:00.000+08:00

YAY! :D i'm elated now. My friend helped me 'decorate' my blog. :D all thanks to him, or else my brain is dead by now. :D